ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
