I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we're making bets on your personal life
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
