Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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