tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize