I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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