I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
