So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
