I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
