Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
