I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize