After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
