At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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