if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize