I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
