Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
