If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
