don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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