he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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