me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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