I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He kissed a someone with a penis
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
