Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
