oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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