when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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