He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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