cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
