i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
