they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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