distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
