Non-Jews are for practice
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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