Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
