oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
