It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
