Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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