She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
