Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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