you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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