i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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