Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
