Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize