Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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