I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
