Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
