I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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