god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
