just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
