I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
