Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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