You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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