Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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