all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
