My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
