I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize