Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
