She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
