we made out on top of his cat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Houston, we have a squirter
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
