if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize