I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
