I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
