My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
