so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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