Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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