I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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