When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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