I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
