We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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