My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize