so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
