I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
